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RULE
#1.
You must not
attempt to watch TV without The Remote Control in
your left hand, most of the time, if you are right-handed.
Use your right hand to eat and drink.
RULE
#2.
If you can't
manage RULE #1, at least make sure that the Remote Control
is within inches of your left hand at all times.
RULE
#3. Ad
Avoidance
The mute button is the greatest invention in all the history
of mankind. Use it mercilessly. ALWAYS mute every
commercial. You have already seen 2,000 hours of this
drivel. There used to be a law about requiring the volume of
the commercial to be no louder than the program. That law is
OBVIOUSLY no longer enforced. Don't tolerate this for one
second. ZAP them instantly. The most obnoxious ads of
all are the car commercials, which ALWAYS turn up the volume
12 decibels. The Nissan Rogue commercial has the most
obnoxious sound of all.
The worst "zap immediately" obnoxious commercials -
1. Every car commercial, (except ELO's "Hang On Tight to
Your Dreams")
2. The guy who screams in your face throughout the entire
commercial
3. The self-chest-caressing narcissistic guru of exercise
videos - gag me
I DON'T EVER WANT TO LISTEN TO ANY OF THESE COMMERCIALS ONE
MORE TIME!!!
How about you?
RULE #4.
(This
rule is political and psychological.) Beginning of
tirade.
Person
Avoidance
Some television personalities I simply cannot stand.
My personal "zap immediately" personalities -
1. The browbeating, condescending know-it-all of financial
advice
2. The ever-perfect, insult-hurling, chip-on-the-shoulder
judge from He||
3. Bill O'Reilly (better yet, avoid FOX News entirely)
4. Sean Hannity (better yet, avoid FOX News entirely)
FOX News, by far, has the biggest
collection of idiots
on television. These purveyors of conservative propaganda
are always complaining about the "liberal media", which
doesn't exist. They are a collection of disingenuous,
highly-paid, corporate lackeys, whose job is to propagandize
you, not inform you. End of tirade.
RULE
#5.
Be attentive
and poised to hit the (Un)Mute Button as soon as the 6 or 8
commercials are over. This ensures that you will not miss
any of the program.
RULE
#6.
Mix your
media. Reality shows and singing competition aren't
everything.
Don't be a hypnotized zombie. Broaden your knowledge.
Watch some PBS. Melting ice caps. Asteroids from space. The
next huge California quake. The bad mortgages collapse. Your
lying President ("Bush's
War").
Congressional sellout to the lobbyists. Find out how you are
being sold down the river, at every turn. Corporate votes
have replaced people votes, because of lobbyist
money.
Ralph
Nader
is right on. Do something about it. Or, at least be aware of
it.
RULE
#7.
Try this
technique (mine). (You must be alone to use this technique,
or you will drive others around you crazy). If you are
seriously watching TV, and not also online, as I usually am,
tell yourself forcefully, NO COMMERCIALS. As soon as any
commercial whatsoever comes on, immediately advance to the
next channel in the sequence, whether it is sequential, or
your own selected list. This technique is clearly for
hunter-males, and not for nesting-females, per Seinfeld's
Larry David.
This technique has 5 advantages -
1. You never have to listen to a commercial, saving 14
minutes per hour for other info
2. You never get bored.
3. You broaden your horizons, and are not as ill-informed as
previously
4. You will get exposed to things you would not normally
see
5. You are far less likely to enter an hypnotic trance.
or, on the other hand, you could just go to
RULE
#8.
Just give up.
Yield.
Go to Turner
Classic Movies,
and tune in to Robert Osborn. No commercials, except short
ones for even better movies coming up soon. Drift back into
time, and see how others lived 50 to 80 years ago - and how
the movies reflected the times. Great stuff. The way they
sucked up those cigarettes. Unbelievable!
My feelings? Old is best, the older, the better.
From 1915, The
Birth of a Nation
is not to be missed
Anything from the 1920's trumps everything else. The 1923
Abel Gance silent movie "La
Roue"
(The Wheel) is not to be missed.
The 1930's had just awesome films (Gone With the Wind, The
Wizard of Oz).
The 1940's had good films, as well (Casablanca, Citizen
Kane, It's A Wonderful Life)
From the 1950's onward, it could go either way. But ALL the
old stuff is great, if not just for historical reference and
comparison.
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